Parenting with Connection: How Everyday Interactions Shape Your Child’s Emotional World - Episode 59

What's Up Wednesdays!

Did you know that every interaction with your child is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship? In this episode, we dive into Turning Toward, a concept from Dr. John Gottman’s research that teaches us how to respond positively to our children’s bids for connection. We will discuss how everyday moments—like responding to a child’s excitement or comforting them during a tantrum—can create deep emotional security and trust. Join us as we break down simple, powerful ways to show up for our kids and nurture lifelong connections.

So, come on!

Let's take a deeper dive:

• How to Strengthen Your Connection – Turning Towards Instead of Away  Episode 55

Contact:
For The Love of Parenting Podcast - Sponsored by Pregnancy Concepts LLC

DM us on IG @pregnacyconcepts

Email us at askus@pregnancyconcepts.com

Remember, as parents, do your best—there are no perfect parents, but countless ways to be loving and supportive. Signing off from the For Love of Parenting podcast. Thanks for listening. Until next time.

Transcript

Title: Parenting with Connection: How Everyday Interactions Shape Your Child’s Emotional World

Intro Summary

Did you know that every interaction with your child is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship? In this episode, we dive into Turning Toward, a concept from Dr. John Gottman’s research that teaches us how to respond positively to our children’s bids for connection. We will discuss how everyday moments—like responding to a child’s excitement or comforting them during a tantrum—can create deep emotional security and trust. Join us as we break down simple, powerful ways to show up for our kids and nurture lifelong connections.

Podcast

Welcome back For My Love of Parenting Parents! As we discussed in episode 55 – How to Strengthen Your Connection – Turning Towards Instead of Away – Small moments matter and the importance of "turning toward" our partners when they make a bid for connection helps our relationship thrive. But did you know that this concept of turning towards can also be applied to our children. Yes, building connection through bids is equally vital in our relationships with our children. So, let’s learn more.

A bid is any attempt to gain attention, affection, or acceptance from a loved one. Children make bids in countless ways—both verbally and nonverbally. "Will you play with me?" is an obvious bid, but bids can also be subtle, such as a child tugging at your sleeve, showing you their artwork, or your baby simply looking up at you with hopeful eyes or cooing. Even tantrums or misbehavior can sometimes be bids for connection, signaling an unmet emotional need.

How we respond to these bids greatly impacts our relationship with our children. Gottman identifies three responses to a bid:

• Turning toward (engaging positively, acknowledging the bid)
• Turning away (ignoring or dismissing the bid)
• Turning against (responding negatively, with criticism or frustration)

Every time we turn toward our child’s bid for connection, we make a deposit in their Emotional Bank Account, reinforcing security, trust, and love. Remember, an emotional bank account references your relationships emotional wealth. The more you respond to your child’s bids for connection – they feel emotionally secure. Rejected bids (or withdrawals) create a since of distance or disconnect.

When children feel consistently heard and valued, their emotional needs are met, and they are less likely to resort to negative behaviors to seek attention. A full emotional bank account leads to:

• Increased cooperation and trust
• A stronger parent-child bond
• Greater emotional resilience
• Fewer behavioral challenges

For example, if a child excitedly says, “Mommy, look at my drawing!” a turning-toward response might be: “Wow, you worked so hard on that! Tell me about it.” Your child is now heard, and this response validates the child’s emotions and strengthens your connection. Whereas an absent-minded “That’s nice” or a response like “please go and sit down and stop showing me your drawing, don’t you see I am on the phone. Ignoring your child’s bid entirely can make the child feel unimportant and unheard.

So, what are some practical Ways to Turn Toward Your Child

Here are some simple ways to recognize and respond to your child’s bids:

1. Be Present: Put down your phone or pause what you're doing to give your child your full attention when possible.
2. Acknowledge Small Moments: If your child shares a thought or an experience, respond with interest, even if it seems trivial to you.
3. Say Yes to Play: Playing together, even for a few minutes, can be a powerful way to turn toward bids.
4. Validate Emotions: If your child is upset, acknowledge their feelings before offering a solution: “I see that you’re really frustrated. That must be tough.”
5. Greet with Enthusiasm: Show excitement when reuniting after school or time apart. A warm greeting can go a long way in making a child feel valued.
6. Notice Nonverbal Bids: A child reaching out for a hug, sitting close to you, or looking in your direction can all be subtle bids for connection.

No parent can turn toward every bid 100% of the time, and that’s okay. What matters most is consistency over time and the willingness to repair when we miss an opportunity. If you realize you ignored a bid, you can reconnect by making a bid yourself: “Hey, I realized I was distracted earlier when I was on the phobe earlier when you wanted to show me your drawing. I would love to see it now.”

Again, as I touched on in Episode 55 how turning toward bids strengthens romantic relationships, the same principles apply to our relationships with our children. By consistently responding to their bids with warmth, presence, and engagement, we create a deep well of emotional security that will serve them throughout their lives.

So, next time your baby looks up at you and coos, child tugs your sleeve, calls your name, or shares a story from their day, pause and turn toward them. In doing so, you are not just responding to a moment—you are building a foundation of love and trust that will last a lifetime.

Until next time. Take care.